It’s that time of year: The season of news editors telling their readers what the most important stories from the past 12 months were.
At Grabien, we’re taking a less presumptuous route. Rather than telling you how to rank the importance of news, we’re just going to try and entertain. After all, it’s the holidays, so let’s have some fun and revisit the 25 funniest clips from 2019.
25 — Jussie Smollett’s attorney thinks the Nigerian brothers might have worn “whiteface” during the “attack.” The police, she said, did "minimal investigation" and if they'd googled like she did, they would have found a video of them in a “Joker” getup.
24 — On MSNBC, a guest suggested the Chicago Police Department framed Jussie Smollett; host Kasie Hunt moves on as if that’s a totally normal suggestion:
23 — James Clapper thinks Trump should thank him for spying: “[We] were spying on — a term I don’t particularly like — on what the Russians were doing, trying to understand were the Russians infiltrating, trying to gain access, trying to gain leverage."
22 — Bernie Sanders scoffs at the suggestion he should pay the higher tax rates he’s calling for:
21 — Jay Inslee makes a confession: "I used to sling hash in college as a freshman. That’s how I tried to make a tuition. I had to leave because I couldn’t pay for that high tuition where I was. I respect hash."
20 — Julian Castro calls for taxpayer-funded abortions for people who can’t have abortions, such as transexuals; "I believe in reproductive justice," he said.
19 — This was the moment CNN reached its broadcasting zenith:
18 — Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.), presumably having done years of exhaustive research, says she’ll fix crime-ridden Baltimore by … talking to suburban white women about their "privilege":
17 — Bill Weld, ostensibly running as a more traditional Republican in 2020, calls for Trump to be executed:
16 — Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich.) creates the most awkward moment in congressional testimony ever:
15 — Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.) gets flirty at an LGBT forum:
14 — Booker comes down with a case of make-believe roid rage, telling Seth Meyers, "My testosterone sometimes makes me want to feel like punching [Trump], which would be bad for this elderly, out-of-shape man that he is if I did that — a physically weak specimen."
13 — On MSNBC, the weather forecast is rape with a chance of murder. New York Magazine’s David Wallace-Wells tells “Morning Joe” that global warming will double the amount of war, and "that conflict happens even at the individual levels, so we’ll see rises in murder rates and rape, domestic assault. It spikes the rates at which people are admitted to mental hospitals."
12 — Thinking of taking up a drug habit? Now’s the perfect time, as AOC says the world is ending in 12 years:
11 — During a congressional oversight hearing, AOC makes a theatrical call for the Green New Deal, "People are dying! They are dying! And the response across the other side of the aisle is to introduce an amendment five minutes before a hearing in a markup? This is serious!"
10 — Rep. Al Green (D-Texas) is incredulous Mark Zuckerberg doesn’t know how many staffers working on Libra are LGBT:
9 — Rep. Pressley (D-Mass.) attacks Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg, saying its digital currency Libra won’t be useful for people with “virtually no money”:
8 — NBC’s Ken Dilanian had some bad news about the killing of terror leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. “Strategically, Donald Trump has set the fight against ISIS back significantly."
7 — New York Governor Andrew Cuomo thinks there was no hurricanes or tornadoes before global warming:
6 — At a Bernie Sanders rally, a Native American informed: “Humans, the four legged, the plant and tree people, fish people, and Mother Earth” lived in harmony before arrival of Americans:
5 — If you missed Beto’s “Rally Against Fear,” here’s a sample of what you “missed”:
4 — Sen. Mazie Hirono says the quiet part out loud. At a DACA prayer breakfast, the Hawaii senator said we need activists “committed to human rights and environmental rights, climate change — believe in climate change as though it’s a religion (it’s not it’s science)”:
3 — New York’s goofy mayor says he’s going to ban buildings: “We are going to ban the classic glass and steel skyscrapers which are incredibly inefficient.“
2 — AOC’s former staffer, Waleed Shahid, uses CNN to spread a conspiracy theory that criticism of Rep. Ilhan Omar’s 9/11 comments is part of a larger plan that began w/ the Southern strategy and is aimed at stoking racial conflict to ensure billionaires don't pay higher taxes:
1 — And finally, Democrats’ leading 2020 presidential candidate helpfully explains when it’s OK for men to hit women:
Did we miss anything you think should be included? Let us know in the comments below.