If you're a vulnerable woman with a history of mental health issues who's suffering financial problems, there's a law firm looking for you.
Avenatti & Avenatti is out with a new ad, pitching its services to potential clients.
"At Avenatti and Avenatti, we troll for troubled women and exploit them for every ounce of earned media we can manage," Avenatti & Avenatti spokesman, John Q. Holmes, Esq., tells viewers. "What are you waiting for? At Avenatti and Avenatti, we don’t get publicity until you get publicity."
If potential are clients are concerned they don't have a case that makes them a viable client, no matter, the ad assures.
"Haven’t suffered any high crimes or sex-deamenors?" Holmes says. "No problem! Our team of publicity professionals will help trigger your memory until we find something suitably salacious the major media will eat right up."
Avenatti & Avenatti lists potential cases its firm can bring: Serious injuries, non-serious injuries, made-up injuries, motorboating accidents, slip & rapes, wrongful interview cancelation, mean tweets, mean chyrons, premature exculpation, and much more.
Interested parties can contact Avenatti & Avenatti at 1 (900) PORN-LAW.
Attorneys, the ad says, are standing by.