Rand Paul’s Releases His Version of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

EXCERPT:

PAUL: “Twas a week before Christmas and through the Senate and House, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The earmarks were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there. The senators were nestled all snug in their beds while visions are pouring danced in their heads. No budget was found, just mischief and debt, while the taxpayers hung their foreheads and wept. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter. Senators sprang from their oxygen. What was the matter? Away to the window, they flew like a flash. Tore open the shutters when they heard the word cash. The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow gave the luster of midday to objects below. When what to my wondering eyes should appear? But a 4000 page omni with endless debt year after year. With a little old driver so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick. More rapid than eagles. His coursers they came, and he whistled and shouted and called them by name: Now, McConnell! Now, Schumer! Now, Pelosi and Vixen! On Biden! On Stupid! On Dumber and Blitzen! To debt! To bankruptcy! To free money for all! Now dash away, dash away more cash for all! And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof the prancing and pawing of each little hoof as the economy threatened to run aground down the chimney. Saint Nicholas came with a bound.”