EXCERPT:
COLBERT: "Welcome. Welcome one and all to 'The Late Show.' Please have a seat. No, please, thank you. I’m your host, Stephen Colbert. Keen-eyed viewers may notice tonight's show looks just a little different. I’m not presently in the Ed Sullivan Theater. I am in the Ed-Sulla-My-House. Because this morning, I woke up feeling not great, flaming throat, little sweaty, coughy. I took one of those at-home tests and it said that I am not pregnant. Then I took a Covid test and it told me I am pregnant with Covid. So I took three more tests and they all agreed. I just want to take a second here to salute the manufacturers for making such a consistent and reliable product, but did it really have to be so reliable? I was really looking forward to meeting Jada Pinkett Smith tonight. The only upside is, since I’m isolating, no one can slap me for having her name in my mouth. So that’s it. I have Covid-19, again, even though it’s 2023. I should at least have something new like Covid-23. I hear it has a better camera and the USB-charging port so you can use it in Europe.”