EXCERPT:
COLBERT: “The U.S. says Russia’s looking for an excuse to invade, so people got pretty nervous on Saturday, when Russian separatists started shelling Ukrainian army positions, which U.S. officials warn could be the prelude to direct Russian military action. Now, call me old-fashioned, but once you’re shelling, that’s pretty much “direct military action.” "Hey,hey, slow down, you two. I’m worried this getting completely naked and bumping junk might lead to direct sexual action."”