TRANSCRIPT:
COLBERT: "Well, I tell ya, folks, I definitely did not call this one. But evidently, 'The Late Show' has outlasted the United States federal government —
(Cheering and Applause)
— because we’re still open and they done shut down. But you know what? Maybe this is a good thing, you know? The government hasn’t been working that great lately. Who knows why? Maybe somebody got the government wet, you know? Let’s unplug it for a while, plug it back in, see if it reboots. If that doesn’t work, maybe toss it in a bag of rice, leave it there for a couple hours. If that doesn’t work, we’ll just throw it away and buy a new one with a better camera and a functioning president."