EXCERPT:
STEWART: “Both of these men should be using performance-enhancing drugs.
(Laughter)
I’m sorry.
(Applause)
Both. As much of it as they can get, as many times a day as their bodies will allow. If performance-enhancing drugs will improve their lucidity, their ability to solve problems, and in one of the candidates’ cases, improve their truthfulness, morality, and malignant narcissism, then suppository away. Guess what, everybody? They should be taking whatever magical drugs can kick their brains into gear, because this ain’t Olympic swimming. You know what I’m saying? Oh, he solved the Middle East, but he was doping, so it doesn’t count.
(Laughter)
There’s going to be an asterisk next to his presidency.“